New Wife Smell

VOTE FOR ME!

2007-10-16T13:31:00.000-07:00

Well, I know no one reads this anyway, but please

VOTE FOR ME IN THE SCRAPBOOKING CONTEST!

Woot! Scrapbooking Contest!

2007-10-11T18:14:00.000-07:00

Why should I win Christine's Scrapbooking Contest??

It's no secret to anyone who knows me that I LOVE to scrapbook! but, why did I start? I mainly started scrapbooking to record the lives of my little cousins, Luke and Daniel. Sure, I always have taken a ton of photos of them, but I really wanted them to each have a book that they could look at and know how much they are loved. You see, they were both abused and neglected in the early part of their
lives, and my parents are now their guardians. Daniel suffers from scoliosis from being left in his carseat 24/7 as an infant. He also has a misshapen head from this as well. Luke has Aspergers, a type of autism as a result of the neglect. I make sure that I photograph the special and not so special moments in their lives, from Birthday Parties to photos of them throwing fits or misbehaving. They both LOVE looking at their scrapbooks and having me read the journaling in them. Daniel has become quite a little scrapbooker himself, and begs to go scrapbooking with me on a weekly basis.

I also scrapbook the life of my Stepson, Sky..We don't get to see him that much (only 1-2 times a month these days) but when we do I make sure to take photos of him with my husband and myself, and I scrapbook it and journal about how much we love him. I hope to show him when he's older that no matter what his Mom might tell him, we always have loved him very much. My husband loves looking at the scrapbook I've made for his son, and gets excited if I bring home a new one that I've made.

and one more reason? GIRLS NIGHT OUT! I love to go scrapbooking with my friends P and V! We have a blast away from husbands and kids, and we all share supplies so none of us has to go broke doing our favorite hobby :-)

I feel like the supplies I could win would help me so much in helping preserve these precious memories!

I will update this post later with pictures!

2007-10-01T20:39:00.000-07:00

Well since I am bored again, more list.

13. I thought long and hard about my favorite foods, and I settled on Popcorn and Sunflower seeds. Unfortunately, I can't eat either at this time. boo.
14. I love crunchy, chewy sticky foods....mmmm
15. I love fruit, and make myself eat vegetables.
16. my favorite fruit would be...I can't pick. I haven't met one I didn't like.
17. I do love salad though.
18. I only like oil and vinegar on my salad. I started that last year when I was first pg. I cannot stand bottled dressing now. ew.
19. I think creamy salad dressing is vomit worthy.
20. Especially ranch and bleu cheese. gack. I do like some ranch stuff though.
21. I love to cook, but rarely do so because my husband never eats the leftovers.
22. I do bake alot, and the hub does eat that up.
23. I make killer enchiladas..
24. and french toast

sigh still bored. Life is blargh. Working some, doing my own biz some. Being poor.

2007-09-12T17:40:00.000-07:00

Since I never update this blog (because no one reads it) and I am seriously bored out of my head, I thought would start another useless 100 plus things about me list.

1. I have weird (to me) sleep habits. I sleep on my left side, with my right leg pulled over it, with my hands by my face.
2. I have to fold my pillow into an origami like shape to get it right.
3. I can have very very little light in the room. A nightlight or the tv does not fly with me. I can tolerate light under the door, but at a minimum. I have to be deathly ill to sleep during the day.
4. I prefer sheets to blankets. I have a light quilt made out of denim that I sleep with year round.
5. I also don't like noise. I can't sleep with the tv on or with loud voices in the next room. I DO like sounds like the AC, fans, Rain, clocks ticking softly or traffic outside the window. I can play music softly, but I only do so rarely.
6. The best way to make me grouchy is to open the door while I am sleeping, snap the light on and ask me questions. My husband is a master at this. So is my mom.
7. I snore. Seriously loud. I shake the walls, but it doesn't bother my hub so that's all that matters.
8. White Noise machines are evil. I think they sound like (not so nice) ghosts.
9. I love sleeping in recliners.
10.In the winter I wear hideous flannel pajamas, and I never match the tops and bottoms.
11. I have extremely vivid and weird dreams, almost nightly.
12. I can also lucid dream in a way, like wake up to pee, then go back to sleep and continue dreaming what I was. I can sometimes think of something then dream of it.

Ok, I am still bored. Anything anyone wants to know about me?

Late, Late for a Very important Date!

2007-08-03T00:15:00.000-07:00

yeah yeah yeah, I know, TMI. I think it's just stress. hmmm, whats stressful?

No job. I've interviewed for plenty, but they don't hire me.
We're $230 overdrawn in checking. We were $300 overdrawn but I wrote off an email and they gave us a $70 "courtery credit"
Child Support took my husbands full paycheck.
Gas, Electric and Car insurance are due tomorrow. Can we pay them? No.

and let's not get in to the contest thing. I entered another contest to win a website. It had to have a certain color of ice cream in it, which I couldn't go buy. So I improvised. I prodicted the winner would be a pic of someones kid/s eating said color ice cream.

and I was right.

Grr.

EPT Loves me

2007-07-29T23:31:00.000-07:00

Or whatever pregnancy tests I buy. They're like crack. I have taken about every kind of PG test in the past 2 years. I need to buy them by the gross, me thinks.

You see, I'm late, over 2 weeks late. I've taken three tests, and what do I get? BIG FAT NO. After being a week late, I had an ovulation pain (I'm pretty sure that's what it was, because it usually feels the same, and it hurts like hell). Then, yesterday, Pain again.

WTF? I am just spewing out eggs like a crazy chicken???

So, I can't sleep and I'm just here thinking about babies, and how I want one. A friend has almost the same due date that I did (1 day difference) and while I love her, and will love her baby, I just can't stop thinking it's unfair. She already has two. I just want ONE. Just one healthy baby, but my body seems to hate them and wants to kick them out.

I've had two pregnancies, and just pain to remember from them. I had ER ultrasounds with both, but never got to see anything. I have no us pictures, I never got to hear a heartbeat or feel anything but pain.

I want to be pregnant again, but I don't think I could take losing another.

Po'

2007-07-19T18:40:00.000-07:00

So I never heard back from the job. I even called them to find out, but I keep getting the voicemail of the hiring lady. I am so miffed. I called my old job yesterday because they said they wanted to put me on the schedule for next week, and nothing. No one there will call me back either.

That means that we are poor. About as poor as I have ever been, really. We couldn't afford to buy food, so we went to the foodbank and got some. Mostly almost expired stuff and dried out pastries, but beggers can't be choosers. With what we got and eating dinner at my parents house a few night a week, we won't starve.

Both of us have been applying for jobs like crazy, but nothing. Not even a call back or anything. Sigh.

Some portrait business would help, but I'm not getting any of that either.

I could be a whiner winner!

2007-07-14T13:54:00.000-07:00

This is the photo I "won" with in a flickr contest, and it's about damn time! You don't actually win anything, just that you won, and I've been entering these stupid things for 2 years! Bitter much? lol.

It's Saturday, boiling hot outside and I DO have things to do, but the AC is so lovely, and I'm watching baseball on teevee (now, I like to go to live games, but usually I don't watch it on teevee, but it's the dodgers that that was my grandma's favorite team, and I spent ALOT of my time with her at games at dodger stadium when I was little!)

I'm supposed to be cleaning out my car, cuz it's a total crap collector. I took out a huge bag of trash, and took out tons of (husbands!) clothes, books, toys, DISHES?, all sorts of crap. I'll sort it in a little bit and then go get some more. If I get the new job, I have to transport stuff in my car, so it has to be clean! and sparkly! and I need to wash it, since I haven't since..last August!

and now I present the..BABYFURS!

2007-07-13T21:40:00.000-07:00

so cute, I cannot stand it..

Waffles..it's whats for breakfast!

hey roxie, if we act cute like this, mommy will give us TREATS!

here it goes again

2007-07-12T23:07:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep, and I have chatty lala syndrome.

It's midnight, and I should go to bed, but I know at 2 am I will be woken up like clockwork by a baby crying. It's either in the apt. below us or next to us, but every single night I hear that baby. I'm not annoyed, I just get upset.

You see, I am almost LATE. LATE PEOPLE. It's been 3 months since the miscarriage, and I am always hoping. I've had a few symptoms, my "girls" hurt like heck (and they never hurt, not even during my period, they've only hurt when I was pg) everything smells funny, I feel pukey in the mornings, and I have cravings for Flavorite Blueberry Waffles (I love blueberries, but always hate them in food, just not now)

sigh. It's just wishful thinking. I do have a pg test from the Dolla Store...heh. It includes a cup and a plastic glove!

Someday

2007-07-12T21:47:00.001-07:00

I'll get to them all!

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

Oh happy day?

2007-07-12T21:22:00.000-07:00

Mostly. I had a stellar interview for the new job, which sounds awesome and I SO want it. It also pays more than I have EVER made before, so I am crossing everything hoping I get it. and I get paid training in...Nashville!

The hubbie also got a call for an interview today!

and one of my bestest friends started a hella good job today!

and I won a photo contest!

That's the good things. After the interview, I got a little bit overexcited and started talking to the hub about what we could do with the money. I mentioned BILLS FIRST, but then started in on, maybe I could get a (new to me) car, or something..or maybe just get AC put in my car (the job requires me to drive around our area) and I could use some new tires...I went a little haywire..

which started a HUGE fight about money and bill paying and debt collectors calling us at all times of the day, and at that moment the phone rang, and I answered it and told them off, bawling my head off, and ended up pouring my heart out to this poor bill collector lady..but I got our payment for this month lowered! Go me.

Maybe the planets are alligning a little bit in our favor? maybe???

Guess who?

2007-07-11T11:07:00.000-07:00

has a job interview tomorrow?? I dunno could it be..

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE????

This job is SO mine!

2007-07-09T17:05:00.000-07:00

I still have a case of the grouchies, but I can deal. I've spent the day applying for jobs online (I've applied for 2 photographer jobs this week, and haven't heard a peep, yet insurance companies are calling me and emailing me to no end)

I owe people money that I can't pay them.

I can't get any business of my own.

Ugg. I hate being grumpy like this.

I have tons of crap, but nothing anyone will pay any money for. Damn CRAP!

Urg. What else can I bitch about? Oh, child support for steve's son is due in less than three weeks, and we can't pay it. I have no problem supporting the child, but they won't even let us SEE him because they say that his "diaper was too wet" last time we sent him home.

Christ.

We have to provide health insurance for his son as well, through a job, and we can't do that either.

Sigh.

and I'm pissed because I never freaking win on Blingo.

Grouchy McGroucherton

2007-07-08T21:16:00.000-07:00

I have no reason to be grouchy right now, really. But I am. Grouchy! I think it's pms.

Anyhoo, Today I got to see "Ratatouille"!!! SO cute! I loved it! I have a few Ratatouille themed photos I'm going to subject the furbabies to tomorrow, bwahahaha!

I'm about to stop being grouchy though..my hubbi-love bought me cookie dough (turtle supreme), a fountain diet coke (cuz fountain diet coke is da bomb, yo) and let me pick X-men 3 when we rented our redbox movie tonight (hello wolverine, wanna scratch my back? yeow!)

The Goofball Twins

2007-07-05T17:10:00.000-07:00

It didn't take me very long to be lonely at home with no fur to love on..so our family increased...

Introducing:

Roxanne Valentine Hart, but we call her Roxie!

and

Imogene Louise Threadgoode, but we call her Idgie!

Can you tell me where I got the names? lol

They are sisters and very funny and sweet! I love them!

Rest in Peace

2007-07-01T19:32:00.000-07:00

Last night I came home to find my beloved Rat, Jovie, lying on her side in her cage and breathing heavily. I took her out and snuggled her in her blanket for a few hours, kissed her and told her I loved her over and over, and at about 11:30, she left this world. She was my little baby, very spoiled and very attached to me, and I will always miss her. She was my sunshine when my days were dark, and she got me through so much.

This is the last photo I took of her, a few weeks ago.

and some more favorite photos:

I miss you, Jovie Noelle...but you will always be a part of me.

Pay it Forward

2007-06-25T14:22:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't blogged in a while, but this is a blog for a cause! (sort of)

One of the blogs I read every single day, is Christine's "The Passionate Ailurophile"
(and if I ever had to spell "Ailurophile" to win a prize, I could!). I love her blog because she's funny, she loves kitties (me too!), crafting, Harry Potter and cooking, just like me. She's also generous, I have a copy of the video "Cats" and a Christmas CD that she sent me years ago, just to be nice!

Right now, she's trying to win a contest for a Home Soda Maker! How Cool! you can vote for her once a day by clicking here!!

I've been voting every day, but she still needs more votes! If you love me, you will vote for her!

and if she wins, I could win a $25 Amazon Gift Certifiate, and I need that to buy camera gooooodies!

Sand Dollar Days

2007-06-08T20:12:00.000-07:00

We made it to Seattle just in time for the Rehersal and Dinner, whew! We had to check into our hotel, and I had forgot that it was a smoking room (it's all they had available) and it stunk to high heaven. I sprayed it with Downy spray (it's really wrinkle releaser, but it smells good) and just put a dryer sheet by the a/c..it's not so bad now.

Anyhoo, we watched them reherse and I took photos so I can see where I need to be tomorrow. So exciting! Well, time to rest, I have to be at the church at 6am!!!!!!!

Love of the Sea...

2007-06-08T09:40:00.000-07:00

I took the above photo yesterday at the beach in Ocean Shores, Washington.

We're trippin' and having a lot of fun. We beached it most of the day yesterday (i'm a dork, I wanted to "go to the beach" which means to ME, dress in a bathing suit-sit on a blanket-have a picnic-and enjoy the sun and water....remember, I am from Hawaii...) but in Washington? uh no.

We walked along the beach in the wind and looked for shells and sand dollars (we found two beautiful whole sanddollars, it was so cool) and had a great time driving along the beach (because the beach is a highway there? weird). For dinner, my sister in law (who lives nearby) took us out for SEAFOOD! I had crab legs...mmm

Today we're off for Seattle because Froggie's Sister is getting married on Sat, and of course, yours truly is going to take the fab wedding photos! I can't wait.

Of course, Husband wants to go to a casino, we stopped at one in Oregon, and he won $100 at blackjack and now he wants to go more, but I have him on a tight leash. I do want to have money to get home, yanno!

did you ever

2007-06-03T22:24:00.000-07:00

put a bottle of water in the freezer, then take it out when it was perfectly cold and slushy and quenching? such bliss. I am going to invent something that keeps my water at that perfect state of slushy bliss, I'd make a mint..not to mention I'd actually DRINK half my body weight in ounces of water, like I'm supposed to!

Does watching a infomerical about the total gym kinda count as exercise?

Do I ever get any sleep the night before a trip?

bleh. I need to sleep but I have toooo mucccch to dooooo!

Almost time!

2007-06-03T20:03:00.000-07:00

I looooooooooooove traveling. LOVE IT. We leave tomorrow after noon, and I can't wait. uh. I'm pretty boring right now, and being sort of lonely because no one is commenting.

sniffle.

So ready to skip town

2007-06-02T15:26:00.000-07:00

I took this photo in March for a Bridal Session I never got paid for. Grr. I still like the photos, but the wedding is off now, and they "don't want them" anymore. Christ. Can you guess the secret?

Anyhoo, here in LalaLand, we are about ready to go on the trip. We're packed, and we just need to pick up some foodies and stuff and we'll be off on Monday aftenoon (we have to wait to get the hub's paycheck and go to the bank).

My day was made already because I got a new 2 gig memory card...droooooooooooool.

I am such a dork...

times a-wastin'

2007-06-01T10:43:00.002-07:00

I deserve a break. I have the apartment about 75% cleaned, We're 90% packedI , need to do some more laundry first, since I am an extreme overpacker, I really NEED to bring 15 shirts on a 8 day trip, don't you?? and SHOES! I am keeping it down to my walking sandals, sneaks, shoes for the wedding, white dressy sandals and flip flops..and some aquasocks for the beach. I left the hiking books and the converse out. Seriously, I'm not a shoe snob, just while on Vacation!

I just need to get my camera equipment all settled (since the main reason for the trip is to take wedding photos) and organized. I spent most of last night making the birthday girl (see post below) a flowergirl headdress for the wedding, since she looked so cute in the one she wore at my wedding. It's pink and yellow instead of fall colors. I swear, this girl is seriously earning the title of "Professional Flower Girl"!

Ok, back to the grind.

Lucky Seven

2007-06-01T07:38:00.000-07:00

Today is the SEVENTH Birthday of my favorite little girl! I met her when she was only 4 weeks old!

I hope it's a great birthday, Munchkin!

In other news, Lala is running around crazy trying to get ready for this trip to Oregon/washington. I still have two hotel reservations to make, and finish packing, and clean my apartment (which looks like the closet threw up on it). I also need to go shopping for food for the trip, clean out my car and organize what we are taking.

ugg. The Husband is the one who is working, so he hasn't done any house work in weeks. Let's not mention that I got paid a considerable sum to come to WA and do the wedding photos, and then my parents matched the sum because we are watching the boys for a week after our trip while my parents go on vacation. So, I just made more this month than he makes in TWO so I don't know why he's so lazy.

sigh.

is it SO wrong...

2007-05-29T22:17:00.000-07:00

that I want to book a hotel room with a HEART SHAPED PINK HOT TUB for one night during our trip???

I waaaaaaaaaaaant it!

bridal stores are evil

2007-05-29T19:19:00.000-07:00

yet, we go there anyway. My good friend D. is getting married this fall, and I am a bridesmaid! So exciting. We went to the Evil Bridal Store today to try on the bridesmaid dress (urg. I hate trying on clothes. hate, with the fiery passion of a 1000 suns) but I love her, so I went.

We get there, and they have to give me the biggest dress in the history of the bridesmaid world, and I put it on...and it wouldn't zip. So, the salesgirl says, No prob! We'll just get the next size up when I order it! /perky I state to her, that according to the website, this is the biggest size available in this dress, but she doesn't listen. So we go on our merry way, out to lunch with Frog and Co, and to the mall and shoot the breeze.

...a few hours later, D calls me to say, guess what? the Evil Bridal store can't order your dress! you'll have to get something else (and look different from the other girls)...

arg. So I went down there, my bridal industrial strength corset with me, got strapped into it by D and 2 sales girls, and guess what? it fits now!

Ugg. Well, at least the dress is...PINK!

Stroking my Ego

2007-05-28T14:04:00.000-07:00

I took this photo of Frog's son on the trip to Seattle, and I love it.

You should love it too.

lol.

very much alive, thank you

2007-05-28T13:51:00.000-07:00

I'm still here, and I do really think about blogging! I do! I'm just lazy.

The trip to Seattle was fun, I spent most of it taking pix of Seattle and Frog's family, or in the car. We didn't do anything too exciting. The Hubanator and I will be in Seattle next week for Frog's sis's wedding, so I'll see a little more of it then. We are also going to visit Hedy! Yay!

So, all my time is spent trip planning and getting stuff ready. uh. hurray?

I have been a little depressed, but I am on new meds now and feeling better. I had some more visits with the docs (mental health and obgyn). My thyroid is fine, so that's not causing the miscarriages. I do have to have some more blood tests just to rule out some other things, but they said I am generally healthy. Both docs recommended losing weight (like, I don't try??) so I am working on that.

Why does Caramel Butter Pecan ice cream have to taste so good then? arg!

me back

2007-05-10T20:52:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been back since Sunday night, but I am lazy and my internet has been sucky. If it isn't sucky tonight, I am going to actually CATCH UP with my 365 things that make me happy thingamabob, then I'll blog about Seattle.

and other stuff, so Rach can hear about my "fun times"

hehe :-)

I'm a-leavin' in Froggie's Caaaaaaaaaaaar..

2007-05-03T18:50:00.000-07:00

Froggie and I are off to Seattle for the Weekend! I've never been there so I am excited! I am not sure if I'll have internet, but I'm bringing the 'puter so I'll try, anyway!

365 things that make me happy - Day 4

2007-05-03T18:16:00.000-07:00

My Stepson, Sky.

I love him so much, and I'm such a proud Mommy Lala when he learns something new. Today he ate his whole lunch by himself with a spoon for the first time! (at our house, anyway) He used his left hand by choice, and I had to be proud of that as well, because I'm a lefty too!

365 things that make me happy - Day 3

2007-05-03T18:13:00.000-07:00

(this is yesterdays. my internet was being a turd last night)

SOCKS! Crazy socks! I've been known for a while for wearing crazy socks, and I must have 200 plus pairs by now..however, I am horrible at keeping them matched, so I've given up on that, and just wear whatever ones I end up grabbing!

365 things that make me happy : Day Two

2007-05-01T22:17:00.000-07:00

My Rat, Jovie.

You know, Rats get a bad rap. Every time I tell someone I have a rat, they say EWWWW! Gross! I hate rodents! To each their own, but Rats are such great pets!

I got Jovie as a Christmas Gift from my parents for Christmas 2005. I had just gone through a bad breakup, and was very depressed and lonely. My Cousin Nick had a rat that I had met at Thanksgiving (his rat is named Paris Hilton!) and I though she was so cute, I wanted my own.
Recently, she developed two mammary tumors (she blossomed overnight, she had HUGE rat-boobies) and I had the choice of letting them progress (and kill her) or have them removed. We opted to have them removed, and she had been recovering nicely until fluid started gathering at the surgery site. She had to have a drain tube put in, and now has to wear a collar .Poor thing.

She makes me so happy, and I love her so much. She always can make me smile, and is very affectionate and playful.

She will be having her OWN 365 as soon as she gets all better.
(I promise that the quality of my 365 photos will get better soon, it's been a rough week..if anyone cares)

( a little late ) 365 things that make me happy : Day One

2007-05-01T22:10:00.000-07:00

( this is actually yesterdays, but my internet was being a buttmunch so here goes)

My husband.
Today is our 6 month wedding Anniversary, and I love him more how than I did then. We've had our ups and downs, but we love to have fun together.

Today, instead of going out tonight for a fancy dinner (not in the budget), we went to our favorite resturant, Mongolian BBQ, snuggled over noodles, then went to a matinee to see "Blades of Glory" . Yes, we actually are people who go to movies like that and laff hysterically.

After that, we headed over to GameWorld to have this photo taken, then played a few games of Mortal Kombat (I won, because I just push all the buttons like crazy. It's the secret) and Pop-It Tic Tac Toe and won some Tootsie Pops.

In a little while, we're off to go take a nice romantic walk, and get some iced coffee.
I love you, hunny!

Chatty Cathy..Er..Lala

2007-04-29T19:20:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, I had another blog. and I blogged ALOT. That blog is really the reason for this one, mainly because certain people begged me to blog so they could know about my boring ass life, and because yanno, this really does help.

I think about my old blog (no longer around, I might have archives somewhere on my old puter) from OMG 2002! So long ago. I lived in Hawaii, having left Idaho after being mentally, verbally , finacially and sexually abused by my "boyfriend" who called me his "roomate" to everyone else.

Yeah, I left after 2 years of supporting him, because I wanted someone to love me, because he either stole my clothes to wear in drag shows, or guilted me into making costumes for him for drag shows (you really haven't lived until you're up until 3am styling a wig for your bf that for his "Mimi from Drew Carey" costume. oh yeah, I was an fucking idiot)

Anyhoo, I moved to Hawaii, was bored, and found blogs. and I blogged about how horrible it was that no one loved me, and how unlovable I was, and how untalented I am and how evvverrryone is soooo much more talented than ME and my life sucks (even though I lived in HAWAII, which people think is da bomb, even though they've never been there)

I met friends online, some I still chat with, some still blog. I met a man known in my old blog as T, and fell in love (gag) and moved back to ID to be with him. That didn't work out. (too long of a story)

Now, I blog about not being a mother. I am a stepmother, which I am grateful for, but it kills me and the hunnylove that we only get to see that precious baby once a week for 5 hours or less, and the kicker is that we can't (according to the baby momma) see him unless we pay them $5 for gas. I won't get into that.

Some people I'm sure feel that I'm not justified for feeling this way. I mean, I've only been married 6 months and I've gotten pregnant TWICE! Wow! We haven't been trying for years, but we did start "trying" as soon as we were sure we wanted to be together (it was a whirlwind romance) so that would have us trying for 14 months or so. Not bad. We're both 30, we have plenty of years to try, right? there's always (dum dum duuuuum) medical treatment, right??

uh no. Unless some sort of money miracle happens, there will be no treatments or anything of any sort for us. The same with adoption, we would gladly adopt. However, that's just not an option.

We could and can take care of and support a child, but we don't have the money to pay in advance.

I had someone tell me the other day that "then we just might not want it that bad, then"

Right.

This post is brought to you by Lala who is taking a break from scrubbing behind the toilet with a toothbrush who wishes she had some alchy-ma-hol to put in her virgin strawberry orange margarita.

Cool

2007-04-29T17:35:00.000-07:00

I turned on the air conditioning in our apt. for the first time today.

It's so awesome.

(spoken by someone who lives in a place where it gets to be over 100 in the summer, doesn't have AC in her car, and didn't have AC in her last two apts.)

It's the good life. I tell you.

I came up with a (totally non-original, but don't care) idea today that I think is cool. I'll post about it later, if anyone reads this crap.

oh, the humanity?

2007-04-29T10:04:00.000-07:00

After work yesterday, I was so fatiqued that I could barely stand. Just totally worn out and gone. They were supposed to call me if I was needed today, and no one did. So, I slept in, planning on taking a shower when I got up, do a little cleaning around the apt, just take it easy. uh no.

At 10:30 my boss calls, and I didn't answer the phone. She left voice mail and..

"uh, yeah, we're going to need you to come in at 11:30, because we want you to do some pregnancy photos!"

oh hell no. Enter crying sobbing me. NO! I called her back, but got HER vm, then called work and got THEIR vm and left messages. They haven't called me back yet, but I am seriously thinking of quitting.

Why would you ask someone who is having a miscarriage RIGHT THIS MOMENT to come in and take maternity photos of someone else??? WHY? Is the world so heartless???

I can't believe this.

Still alive...barely

2007-04-28T14:53:00.000-07:00

Sigh.

Things are rough. So, I was due with my first baby (known to us as Liebling) on April 15, just after I found out I was preg with our second baby (known as Elvis). So, I would've probably given birth sometime around now (knowing that 40 weeks isn't always accurate, Hed has schooled me well). So, I get to grieve for the baby that wasn't born this week, and the baby I LOST last week. Fucking Hell. That's just insannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnne.

Let's not even get into the fact that THREE people I know in person are pregnant, and due probably around where I was. (ok, I don't know about one for sure, but it doesn't help). One was a close friend that I really wanted to share this week, and now, how will I ever be able to look at her baby when it's born? Really?

I went back to work today. Soo fun. I do enjoy my job (tmi part coming up)

but gawd, today the bleeding was the worst it's ever been. It was worse than my heaviest period, and it's probably because I was jumping around, crawling around on the floor with a heavy camera...and of couuuuurse, who gets to do those newborns! That would be ME!

ugg.

For Everyone that has lost a child

2007-04-22T09:28:00.000-07:00

Elvis has left the building.

2007-04-21T09:13:00.000-07:00

We spent all night at the hospital. After hours of tests, an IV, an ultrasound and all of that other fun stuff (It was seriously like 6 hours, and my mom and hubby went out when they did the catheter/exam, and after that I kept asking for them, and my sweet nurse kept calling the front desk and asking for them, and the bitch receptionist kept telling us "there is NO ONE in the waiting room!" ugg. they were there the whole time!) so I spent most of that time crying. The ultrasound tech was nice though, she said she would let me see if she saw something that I could make out.

They couldn't find anything on the US, and my pg levels in my blood are low. I am to come back to the er on sunday for another blood test to check the levels. If the go down, then that means that for sure I am miscarrying, if they go UP then I will have to be monitored closely because that would mean that somethings there. I am so numb right now. Hubby called my work (I was supposed to work from 10-2) and the person in charge says I MUST have a dr's note, or I will be written up. Nice. Just what I need, another stress. While I was in the hospital, losing my baby, I was supposed to think about having a freaking note for work. That was really high on my list of priorities.

I really hate every single person that's given birth (not personal) and just about everyone that was ever born.I hate that I have to lose two babies in a year, and some people can get pregnany at a drop of a hat, never have any problems, then neglect their precious kids. I hate that no one I know personally can understand. Someone who is over 30, has lost two angels, and probably won't ever be able to have any ever. If you have a child, you will never understand. I hate people who abuse their bodies while pregnant, then have beautiful healthy babies. I'm not overly rational right now. I just wish I had something to hold on to.

Don't count your Elvis' before they hatch

2007-04-20T16:39:00.000-07:00

(FYI, Elvis is the name the Hubster gave to the baby bean, and this post is going to extensively TMI. If you actually read hear, and don't want to hear about gross stuff, go somewhere else)

My very good friend Froggie told me something when I called to tell her I was pregnant. I called her about 37 seconds after I took the test, and had already told my man. She said, remember, don't get your hopes too high again. I listened with half an ear, really. At first I didn't run around telling people. I waited until the Dr. Pee Test before we told the parents, and all that.

Then, part of me so went haywire, and spent 8 hours a day reading about cloth diapering, breastfeeding, childbirth and the like. I bought books. I went into the maternity store. I told myself no matter how long this pregnancy lasts (hopefully ending in a healthy baby) I am going to ENJOY it.

I will enjoy the boob hurty, feel pukey, craving pistacios and mongolian bbq. I will enjoy every "baby symptom" there is, because I'm supposed to have these symptoms and they all mean that a little healthy bean is growing.

Today, after my last post, I started spotting and cramping up. Work called and asked for me to come in, but really, all I wanted to do was go to my parents house and lie down with my cat on my lap.

That's what I've been doing, but every time I go to the bathroom, theres blood in the toliet and some on the TP. Not an insane amount, but the cramps are the killer. I know if I go to the ER the very very very first thing that they ask you if you say you are pg and bleeding/think you are miscarrying is "How many pads are you soaking an hour?" uh. none. But BLEEDING. PREGNANT. CRAMPING. They don't care.

They'll do an exam, and possibly a ultrasound, and then a dr will come in and say something like, go home and rest.put your feet up. you could be miscarrying, but we don't know. We don't know anything. We only went to medical school, and work in a hospital. but we can't tell you anything, because it's the ER.

Christ.

hey wait, I've got a new complaint.

2007-04-20T09:17:00.000-07:00

It took me what, 14 years to realize that that song is TOTALLY about pregnancy. duh. Not that I am complaining TOO much. I mean, my boobs hurt, and none of my bra's fit .I made the mistake of going into a maternity store in the mall yesterday...where I was surrounded by a sea of size mediums. I was pretty snarky with the sales girl (all 90 lbs of her) when she asked if I needed help...I was like yeah, sell some bra's that fit PREGNANT PEOPLE!

I feel pukey, burpy and farty, but that's okay, because about 568 people have told me, that's a GOOD sign. The worse you feel, the better the baby. uh. kay.

I might have to change the name of this blog...

2007-04-19T20:49:00.000-07:00

to

New Mommy Smell :-)

Tentitively Due, 11-29-07

(and Hed, I called you before I posted this, and Mr.Hed said you weren't there, so I tried!)

Shameless

2007-04-08T10:43:00.000-07:00

I am seriously addicted to watching reruns of America's Top Model. It's like a train wreck, seriously. I just like to watch the photoshoots.. /excuses

sad.

just for James

2007-04-08T10:11:00.000-07:00

An update!

Life has been pretty depressing, so I haven't blogged. The week before last, on Friday, I had a horrible toothache. This is the only tooth thats ever given me trouble, and the ache got worse and worse. I worked all day Sat and Sun with the pain, and couldn't get ahold of a dentist. I must've called 40 dentists and left messages, and on monday, ONE of them called me back.

I got up with my face swollen twice the size as normal, and the dentist had to pull the tooth. He put me on antibiotics, and sent me home with orders to rest. I had to call work and find people to cover for me, and of course, no one wanted to. On Tuesday my face was swollen MORE, so I went to the dentist again, and he sent me to an oral surgeon, who put me on IV antibiotics immeditately, and scheduled me for surgery the next day to clear out the infection that was in my mouth,

Fun. I had the surgery, and did get better...then I pinched a nerve in my back, and I'm STILL not able to work (I did yesterday, but it was just sales and answering the phone). Ugg.

See, my life is boring, but you wanted to know James! lol

Medicated

2007-03-07T22:26:00.000-08:00

So, I posted before that I got a new job. I liked the place, I liked (most of ) my coworkers, but I hated what I had to do. It was just so boring, and with me, that's not good. It started messing with my head. I started getting sick, I have IBS, and it just got worse and worse. After a month of working there, I got up for work yesterday and thought "What can I do to myself so I don't have to go there???" I actually thought of hurting myself. The thoughts just wouldn't go away, so I had to go get my sweetie, and he took me to the hospital.

After talking to the Dr. I knew that I had to quit that job. I haven't slept well in weeks, and with both jobs, I've been working 6-7 days a week. I just couldn't sleep, and I would have huge panic attacks before walking into work. I made myself go in everyday, inspite of the panic, but geez, I just can't do it anymore.

They prescribed Zoloft, which makes me sleepy and gives me a slight headache, but I did feel a little better today. I called work and quit.

Good news? At my photography job, We recently went thru training with a new camera. I am in love with it, and helped train most everyone else. I've been offered whatever hours I want to to work. The trainer told me I was talented and a asset to the studio, so I am happy.

I am also feeling very creative with my own business. I have a few new ideas that if I can execute them, I will have some amazing photos! I can't wait!

(ps anyone want to loan me $600 for a new lens? hahahhaa)

A month goes by..

2007-02-21T13:51:00.000-08:00

Quickly, too. I just realized it's been over a month since I blogged. Sorry, does anyone read this anyway? Life has been...okay I guess. I've been sick, and a little depressed. I got a second job (more on that later). I long to do my photography all the time, but geez. It takes money to make money, and I don't have any of that. I think I could be good with some new lenses (I want a new camera as well, but I don't think a $3500 camera is really practical right now), a website and some other odds and ends and I would be on my way.

What else happened last month? I did place in two contests on Flickr, which I was very excited about. I am horribly competitive, and I spent a whole week either taking pix for contests, or online waiting for the winners to be announced. It wasn't healthy, but I think it really changed me in how I view photographer, and why I want to be a photographer all the time. Comment if you want to see the pix, and I'll post a link.

As for the new job, I love the place I work at, but I hate what I do. It is SOOOO boring. At my studio job, I looooove what I do, but hate the place. A girl can't get a break these days.

Sigh. More later.

What doesn't kill me will make me stronger.

2007-01-11T14:23:00.000-08:00

A good mantra to have if you're me.

You see, I am a portrait photographer, and while I'm trying hard to start my own business, I've been working at chain studios the for the last several years. I do love my job, working with kids and especially little newborns, but ugg. I hate the hours (as in, I get NONE because we're just not busy enough after christmas). I hate the whiny parents who want the best photo in the world but only pay $7.99 for it. It cheapens it.

Anyway, at my current job, back in October, I found a ad online for a Photo studio manager for my company for a new store opening in a nearby town. I applied online, and then told my boss about it (my boss also happens to be a good friend who I met while working at a different studio). The cooperate office called me to tell me that they got my resume, and to talk to my boss, which I already had done. She said that the hiring for the Manager in Training job would happen after the new year. Okay, got it.

So, after being deathly ill for several days, I went back to work (I actually only missed one day of work, that's how little hours I get). My boss was there, and the manager of one of our sister studios, and a new girl. I get to work, and other than the new girls name, I didn't know much about her. It was busy, and I was doing my job.

Anyway, after a few hours, she comes up to me, and says that (SURPRISE!) she's the manager in training! and this is her DREAM JOB! and she used to manage a bookstore! Well, WHOOPEE FOR YOU! Freakin A. Hello, my dream job too. Goodbye, goodbye regular GOOD paycheck and health insurance! So then I had to work the rest of the day taking photos and working my ass
off, and and I don't even think she can TAKE PICTURES.

I am livid still and that was TWO days ago. I didn't even get an interview. Nothing. Not even a little meeting to tell me this fact.

I do so want to have my own business, but opening a studio is out of the question. I can and have been doing some in home sessions, but mostly for people who just don't want to pay for it.

I'm just still shaking and just majorly PISSED OFF.

Slacker

2007-01-07T12:24:00.000-08:00

I've been at my parents house for two days, with internet, and I haven't posted. Bad me.

No, there were no rifts in the marriage bliss, I just happened to get bronchitis! and Mommy took care of me. Mainly because Mr.Lala had to work at 5am for the past few days and he keeps me awake when I should be sleeping and getting better.

I am a little better, I have some sweet coff meds that send me into SuperLala land but I am still SO tired and listless. Zzzzz. I need some energy!!!

I really need to stop being so sickly. I thought 2006 was going to be my sickly year, not 2007! Poo on you germs!!!

Goodbye 2006

2006-12-31T21:11:00.000-08:00

2006 was a big year for me.

I met the love of my life.

I got engaged.

I got very sick and lost my job of three years because of it (the job caused the sickness, me thinks)

I got Pregnant.

I had a miscarriage.

and I got married.

In that order.

What are my hopes for 2007?

Get a better paying job (right now I am working like 10 hours a week)
Organize all of my stuff
Start my own photography business for REAL this time
Get pregnant again, if my body cooperates

What about you?

New Husband Smell

2006-12-31T15:01:00.000-08:00

Ok, I admit it, in the past, I have been a slob. a BEEG slob. However, when the hunnymuffin and I got our own place (one bedroom apt, but it has a big living room!) I was determined to keep it neat and clean. I was not going to have a place that I was ashamed to have company in.

So, since I don't live alone, I have to do some hubby training. He takes of his clothes and leaves them in the living room. I find socks behind the toilet. If they trash can is full, I find pudding cups and string cheese wrappers piled on the stove.

gah. Husbands need to come with a training manual.

edited to add...

2006-12-29T14:46:00.000-08:00

and he thinks Alice Cooper is "cool" - I do love this child...

I've created a monster

2006-12-29T14:32:00.000-08:00

I'm letting Luke watch Wayne's World and he loves it.

because for the life of me, I could NOT watch Arthur One.More.Time....

Zzzzz

2006-12-25T10:45:00.000-08:00

Why is opening presents to tiring?

blurg.

We got to my parents house in time to see the boys get up and see the piles of presents from
Santa..they made out like bandits..they got a kid sized air hockey table, pop up tents and sleeping bags and camp chairs, Daniel got a scooter, Luke got a guitar...geez...sooooo many things.

Me and the hubster made out pretty well too, we got a vacuum (I asked for one, that's insane) lots of household stuff, clothes, he got tools, he got me a TON of scrapbooking stuff (I think I'll have enough for the next 10 years) he got lots of star wars stuff (yes, I married a star wars geek). Much fun was had by all.

I'll get the pix up tomorrow sometime, I have to work tommorrow, but I am hoping it'll be slooooooooooooooooooooooooow....lol.

Because Santa Claus comes Tonight!

2006-12-24T21:52:00.000-08:00

We set out our Milk and Cookies...and they are all nestled snug in their beds...and locked in so they don't open anything before we get up...heh..

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!!

Don't Cross the streams!

2006-12-22T18:43:00.000-08:00

It would be baaaad!

(ok, just watching ghostbusters on tv...classically quotable)

I'm boring.

I have only worked like 10 hours this week. and I work 4 tomorrow, and then I am off for like 4 days! gah. I need to pay bills! I need another job. The thing is, I only feel like I am (somewhat) good at one thing, and I'm too lazy to learn to do something else.

Christmas is definately coming...the presents are beginning to pile up, and they are from everyone..from the cat to me..from the dog to my rat..to my husband from my dad's parrot...We're beginning to have a Very Howard Christmas..the Howard's were our neighbors when I was a kid, and they went broke every year making sure the kids had EVERYTHING that was new that year...and the presents exented like 10 feet around the tree in every direction! We're at about the 3 foot mark, and I'm sure after Santa arrives, it'll be insane.

I love it though. I am very particular...we only open one present EACH on Christmas Eve..the rest get opened in the morning. I'm such a brat about it too...lol.

Well, I'll post more later, if anyone reads this!

Babylove

2006-12-20T16:08:00.000-08:00

We don't have any kiddos together, but my hunny does have a little one from a previous relationship, and he just turned One!

Sky is our pride and joy! We get to visit with him tomorrow, unsupervised, so we're pretty excited!

(also, I want to give a shout out to Suzie and Tim, who bought me a Flickr pro account for Christmas! Thank you so much!!!)

Dorkness to the Max!

2006-12-20T15:32:00.000-08:00

I am a dork.

I was excited that Mikey left a comment on my blog.

but to answer his question, I DO like the Alvin song, but since I am not cool enough to have an IPOD (ok, I have a shuffle, but I covet nicer ones that are pink and hold more muzak) I only get to hear it on the radio. and I sing it..LOUD. With Hand motions. oh yeah, I'm cool.

I took the munchkins to see Santa today...(to fill you in, my parents are guardians to two of my cousins, Luke and Daniel, and I am around them alot, and I spoil them rotten). We got there to find the "Santa went to feed his reindeer!" sign..and had to wait 45 min (I took them to Starbucks..heh..and then made them sit outside the Santa area until Santa came back...and we were FIRST. Oh joy...and the line was about 100 people long by the time he DID come back.

I'll have to scan the Santa pic and post it sometime...if I get time....

Tough times, Tough times...

2006-12-19T11:44:00.000-08:00

Well, not really. Christmas is coming (my second favorite holiday), I've got most of my shopping done. I've given up on getting cards out on time (I just need to print some photos).Life is good. Of course, I have major internet withdrawl, and purposely saved up all my laundry so I could drag it to to the 'rents house for some holiday internet goodness.

and now, mindless rambling.

ok. I love Christmas music. LOVE it. It can be as gospelly and Christ-y as you want, and I still love it. but...I have some complaints

1. "My favorite things" is NOT a christmas song. Stop playing it at Christmas! (I like this song, just not as a christmas song)
2. Barbara Streisand singing Holiday songs. It irritates me. It irritates me even more to hear her sing "My favorite things" (I think she sings beautifully, but it just seems weird to me that she would be singing Christmas songs...)
3. "From a Distance" is also not a Christmas song. Nothing against the Divine Miss M, but please, spare me.

sigh. I need to be a little more inspired...more later!

Clever title

2006-12-15T16:34:00.000-08:00

So, how did the "New Wife Smell" title come about? We were on our hunnymoon (we drove to Los Wages) and started talking about new car smell. I can't believe people actually buy "new car smell" air fresheners shaped like TREES. ok, 1. Those tree air fresheners are freaking stupid looking. 2. New cars smell good? bleeeecccchhhhh. I drove with all my windows down for a month to get my car to smell normal. (Of course it sort of has a stale french fry smell now, which is strangly comforting...)

Anyway, I asked my Hunnylove if I had a new wife smell, and he thought that was pretty funny. It gets repeated pretty often now, because we're dorks!

She's got that new wife smell.

2006-12-15T14:15:00.000-08:00

So. I used to have a blog. I was obsessed with my blog, but when my hosting went bye bye (the check was in the mail, I swear!) I stopped. Now I get the occasional email, im or shout out of..."you should start another blllllaaaaahg. I miss your blooooooooog!"

Okay then.

I'm not really that interesting. For now, about me.

I'm 30.

and I just got married.

and I'm a photographer.

uh. I love Halloween.

I even had a Halloween Wedding! and no, I didn't dress like Morticia (but one of my guests did!)

I will write a little more later, I had to move into an apartment with my sweet hunny, but it has no internet. So either I use my parents wireless while doing laundry, or I can drive over to the corner shopping center, and get wireless in the car. So, I might be a little sporatic!